“Husbands love your wives …” – Ephesians 5:25
The other day my wife, who is a pastoral counselor, had a visit from a woman who was in the process of preparing papers to effect a legal separation from her husband. Both the woman and her husband are committed Christians. There had been no infidelity and no abuse. She was just fed up with the careless way he treated her with silence. She had talked with her pastor. She had consulted another Christian counselor and basically had simply been asked, “Are you sure this is what you want?” Then because she had counseled with my wife a couple of years ago on another matter, she just wanted to touch base with her before she finalized and filed the papers.
After listening to her, my wife asked her a couple of questions.
First, “Have you talked about your plan to take legal action with your husband?” She replied, “No, but he will learn all about it when he is served with the documents.” Secondly, “Have you considered whether or not this action is God-honoring and pleasing to Him?”
To make a long story short, the woman went home, shared her anguish with her husband and discovered that he was horribly shocked and distraught to realize that she was hurting so grievously. He expressed his genuine love for her and was eager to do whatever it would take to alleviate her distress. Soon he began courting her as he had done so well when they first married. In a later joint counseling session the couple asked my wife, “Why did no one else even question if the proposed separation would be God-honoring and pleasing to Him?” They are now on a second honeymoon and I can see God smiling.
Well, men, setting aside whatever deficiencies and offenses we might focus on in the actions of this wife, I think there is a message here for us. Is God pleased and being honored by the way you care for your wife? I think sometimes we men can be pretty thick between the ears when it comes to understanding our wives’ basic needs – in spite of the fact that God has clearly expressed how he “wired” our wives and how he wants us to nurture their lives.
Paul wrote; “Husbands, love your wives ….” (Eph.5:25) The Holy Spirit directed him to write that because it is the most basic need of our wives – more than food, clothing and a nice house. Note that this word from our Lord is not optional. It is not just a recommendation. It is a clear command. God doesn’t just say “I think this would be a nice idea for birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine’s Day.” He said, “This is how I want you treat my daughter – always.”
Furthermore, the instruction is not conditional. It does not say “Love your wives as long as they respect you and treat you with kindness.” However, the Holy Spirit did say, “… love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Eph.5:25) And we all know how that went. Our Lord didn’t wait until we loved and respected and submitted to him, rather, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
Men, a marriage to our wife is a holy gift from God. He has placed one of his daughters in our care and we need to hold her in our hands, caress her gently and treat her with the grateful love and respect due such a priceless gift from God. God cherishes marriage so much that he used it to illustrate the intimacy of his relationship with the Israelites. (Ezekiel 16) God’s concept of marriage is so holy that He uses it repeatedly throughout the New Testament to model the close connection between Christ and His church. So it is imperative that we accept this precious gift seriously and determine to care for it in the same way that Christ cared (cares) for the church.
I challenge you to find out how your wife is feeling about your “husbanding”. Sit down with her and ask her these two questions.
“Do you feel connected to me?”
“Do you feel loved and cherished by me?”
Then close your mouth, open your ears, sit back and listen intently to what she has to say.
Friends this reaches far beyond the borders of our homes. God hopes to use the marriages of His people to model to the world his connection with his people and the relationship of his Son with His church. So it is vital that we fulfill his hope. We must be certain we don’t share the condemnation God made of some of His people in the first century when he said through the apostle Paul, “My name is blasphemed amongst the Gentiles because of you.” (Romans 2:24)
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